Neon Rose..

01:19 pm: Oddness while sleeping

I had an odd dream... It involved a friend of mine from Highschool.. Michelle.. an ex who comes across gay & ends up getting vaporated (not cuz he's gay).. and summer school (non-remedial).. Programs based on scouting.. I wasn't allowed to be in the class I wanted to be cuz I was over qualified & oddly, Stephen was in it (the class).. & they were trying to upgrade me.. & my sister & my mom called to babysit while I am here trying to sort out this class thing & Rob's sitting there expectign a ride to work cuz he'd taken the morning off to see his son (Stephen) into his first day of school..

I'll see if I can work up more details later.. so this actually has some sence to it.. and a time line..

Tags: death, dream, friends, real, rob, scouting, sleep, stephen

07:22 am: OMG

1. Gasoline Can you believe the price of gas?? Yesterday I saw it between 107.5 cents and 109.9 cents... Now I'm in the Greater Toronto Area... How much does Gas cost where you area & what state/province are you in?

2. McD's refill's Yesterday I saw a guy pick up a used, but in good condition Medium sized McD's pop cup.. He emptied if of its contents & proceeded to the McD's location 100M away.. my only guess is that he was going in to get a refill on a pop that he never bought.. to me that's wrong... I also disagree with people going back for refills after refills after refills.. I can understand one - I do that frequently.. but 2 refills or 3 or 4.. I've seen it happen.. that's just wrong.

Ya know what - there was other stuff I wanted to mention, but fer the life of me, I'm not remembering it.. Oh!

3. Laura I was driving mom's car into the city yesterday with her in the car.. Mom tells me to slow down cuz of the speed limit change.. I stated that I wasn't too worried cuz there was no cop there.. & my next comment word for word.. "That is where Laura parks to nab cars".. Laura passed away um.. 5 years ago.. maybe 6.. I should have said "was".. *sigh* I still forget to correct the tense.. it's odd, cuz ya'd think I'd have it down by now.
Edit: Laura died Feb 19, 2002

That is all I remember now.. & back to bed I go :)

Tags: death, family, fatigue, fibro fog, kelli, laura, real, vent

02:03 pm: Strike & sleep

My Content strike starts at Thursday, March 20, 8:00 PM..

I did eventually fall asleep.. I'm guessing near or shortly after 8am.. & I get a call at 10.53.. Rob makin' sure I am up.. well, no.. I didn't get to sleep til around 8 & I had set my alarm fer 11.. so, no, I was still asleep.. But I was up & out the door at 11.15 fer my 11.30 Drs appointment... & now I am home.. & I shall have a nap.. I will set the alarm for 2 hours.. hopefully, I'll be functional at that point.. I'd like to wash the remaining dishes & vacuum the rest of the apartment..(living room/dining room/hallway) cuz I got the bedrooms done, both of them yesterday.. I'd also like to get the pull cord back on the light in the bedroom.. that requires extra balance so I might wait til Rob and/or Stephen are home.. I am hoping to get to sleep on time tonight. *sigh*

Edit [3.13pm] : Damn FB.. now I am going fer my nap.

Tags: chores, content strike, doctors, health, kelli, real, sleep, stephen

04:49 am: I can't sleep

Surprise.. surprise.. I can't sleep.. But I wanna.. I'm so damn tired.

There's several reasons fer that which I can name of the top of my head.. the first being that Rob's not here.. I can never get to sleep or sleep well when he's not here.. I have a headache.. My tummy's gone wonky, yet I am hungry.. My shoulders were bothering me (fms pain) earlier.. I had a shower & left the towel on my head - I can't seem to sleep with a towel on my head.. I find it odd that I can't sleep with a towel on my head, but I *can* sleep with curlers in my hair - go figure..

At about 2.30, I gave up & grabbed the book I am currently reading & read fer about an hour.. & then snuggled back into bed.. but it's almost 5am & I am still wide awake.. :(

Any suggestions on a natural way to conk out? I'm already doubled up on my sleep pills which are mainly for my RLS anyways..

Tags: advice, drugs, fatigue, fibromyalgia, fms, hair, health, hunger, insomnia, kelli, real, rob, sleep

06:37 am:
Why is it that when we (those of us with chronic pain conditions) have pain, we can't sleep, yet, when we're medicated for the pain & the pain is significantly lessened or gone, we still can't sleep.. Help me out with this one.. I have still yet to sleep, despite being in bed for most of the night, despite being exhausted from doing too much today~ er, yesterday~, despite the prescription sleep aids..

I don't get it.. Anyone got a theory?

Tags: chronic pain, drugs, fatigue, health, insomnia, real, sleep

07:31 pm: An Egg

The following was posted in my journal on OK Cupid - Dated May 17, 2006 - 2:20am


I was hungry fer scrambled eggs today & I made a comment that I felt like eggs.. & then I thought I'd be a smartass & said.. "I don't look like an egg, but I feel like one"..

Well.. then Mom gets philosophical on me.. & said.. "well you prolly do feel like an egg".. a fragile shell that can be broken very easily & inside, nothing substantial.. the essence of me (yoke) just floating on a sea of nothingness (white).. being jostled & pushed around with no control & just sorta 'sloshing' around inside.. a lack of substance, nothing to grasp onto & ground myself. Sorta there, but not really able to do anything.

& honestly, she was right.. I'd gotten into it with my Dad earlier.. & I was actually quite upset & felt very down.. feeling very vulnerable.. didn't help that I wasn't feeling well to start with. Plus it didn't help that Dad went completely off topic on what we were getting into in the first place.. First we were talking about my bills, then somehow were talking about the cottage. I didn't get it..

Ya know, I still feel very much like an egg as my mom described.

Tags: cottage, dad, emotions, family, real, sadness, vulnerable

08:06 pm: Health TMI

This is cut for a health TMI..

( Last warning )

Tags: health, real

03:44 pm: Niagara Falls - vacation

Recently, Robert & I went away for a few days to Niagara.. here are the emails Rob sent out that include links & info about our vacation via Rob's blog & pictures... If you have questions or comments, lemmie have 'em :)

---

Hi Friends and Family,

Kelli and I arrived safe in Niagara Falls last night. We were about an hour late on getting in due to train delays.
Last night was a little rainy and the mist around the falls was very heavy at times.
I have attached a link below on where you can view pictures from day one of our trip. These include pictures of our hotel room, some of the festival of lights and a shot of the falls at night. If you are interested you can go to: http://niagara1.robertbcairns.com/
Also I am detailing a bit of our trip on my blog which can be found at : http://blog.robertbcairns.com/

---

Hi Friends and Familly,
Day 2 in Niagara Falls was really warm. Kelli and I are having a great time. It is a well needed rest.
I do have some movies to come once I figure out the best way to post them.
For pictures of day 2 you can go here: http://niagara2.robertbcairns.com/
For more reading of our trip you can find it on my blog at : http://blog.robertbcairns.com/

---

Hi All,
As promised I uploaded some videos of our trip. These are two short 30 second clips which show you the raw power of the falls and the Niagara River. It is the first time I have shot any videos from my digital camera. Two things I need to remember for future trips is to bring my portable tripod and that the camera has a mic. You can hear Kelli and I talking in the background but the roar and sights of the falls is impressive and still shows the power of one of natures great wonders of the world.
To view the videos, please go to my blog at http://blog.robertbcairns.com/
My blog has links back to my You Tube page where they are stored and you can view them directly from the video page providing you have flash installed.
Enjoy.

---

Hi Friends and Family,
I have now posted the pictures from Day 3 and Day 4 of Kelli's and my vacation to Niagara Falls. Please find the links below:
http://niagara3.robertbcairns.com/ - To see the pictures of the Wax Museum and pictures towards the Rainbow Bridge end of the Falls.
http://niagara3b.robertbcairns.com/ - To see Pictures from the Ripley's "Believe It or Not" Museum.
http://niagara4.robertbcairns.com/ - To see pictures shot from the Skylon Tower and the Daredevil Museum.
I also posted one more video which I shot in the Skylon Tower. It can be found on my blog page at : http://blog.robertbcairns.com/
Enjoy....

Tags: holiday, kelli, pics, real, rob, vacation

12:34 am: health update..

A real live post that actually means something.. I am currently staying at Rob's cuz I am feeling just WAY too shitty to go anywhere.. I'm tired, hurting, sore, achy, exhausted, weak, lethargic.. just generally really not able to do much.. Been highly drugged up.. Unable to sleep.. massive IBS issues... Specific abdominal pain in the area of my ovary where I typically get Endometriosis pain.. Missed my allergist.. Missed my counselor, twice ~ no, today made thrice..

Tomorrow's the GP.. I can't miss it - I gotta find out what's slowly killing me here.. to say nothing of the negative impact this having on my relationship with Rob..

Tags: allergies, chronic pain, doctors, drugs, endo, endometriosis, fatigue, fibromyalgia, fms, health, ibs, real, relationships, rob, sleep

03:14 am: Allergies suck

Damn it.. it's after 3am.. and I can't sleep due to this damn cat allergy which has clogged up my sinuses, makes me sneeze every few minutes & Given me this blinding sinus headache.. I can't sleep despite all the meds I have taken & would rather not take T3's for a sinus headache.. I need to get out of here.. These cats are killing me!!

Edit: 4.30am.. still up.. can't breathe.

Tags: allergies, drugs, health, kelli, move, real, sleep

11:41 pm: accommodations
Hi all..

I was hoping I could get some recommendation on sites to look to housing.. I need to move & quickly due to insane allergies at my new place.. I'm looking for Scarborough or Pickering/Ajax.. I have already looked at craigs list, but would like other suggestions.. I need shared apts or a room for $300-325/mo.. preferably including internet.. if you hae any suggestions, send 'em my way..


Thanks

Tags: allergies, kelli, move, moving, real

07:11 pm: my foot

I took a swan dive off the stairs in the basement yesterday.. er today?? it's was like 12.05 to I guess it was today.. the last step at the bottom in half the height as the rest of them.. I thought I was on that last half step... I wasn't... I was on my way down in the basement to get my comforter, have a shower & go to bed..

INSTEAD, Mike, my new roomie, heared me scream ( he called it a squeal) as I went down & ask me if I was alright.. I hesitate, moved my foot & promptly told him now, that I needed to go to the er cuz something popped or did something when it landed & that i could no longer move it.. SO, off to the ER we go.. & Mike was so sweet about it.. (If I had any friends who were into redheads, I'd so introduce) he took me to the ER.. & of course, my fibro kicks in while I am there.. my back kept going in & out of spasm... fun fun fun.. & my leggs kept threatening to hit into charlie horses.. my back actually did once when I was trying to get outta the wheel chair to get onto the bed for my cast..

Cast? Ya.. actually a half cast, cuz the Er do wasn't sure if it was a fracture or not, so I have a cast just in case.. not that it immobilizes me *that* much.. I have to go the fracture clinic on Friday.. if the fracture doc says it's a fracture, I keep it on fer 4-6 weeks, if it's not a fracture, off it comes.. if it loosens up anymore, I'll ask for another one.. & ask it they can Please make it a little shorter.. so, I might be in a cast for Christmas.. that sucks..

So we get back.. since there's not alot of maneuver room, I just bummed & crawled in the house & up the stairs & into my room.. I had to them make my way to the bathroom by myself.. which was interesting..

by this time it's about 4am.. & I called Rob to let him know what was going on, cuz I'd called him before we hit the ER about what I'd done.. we talked fer a bit.. & that in itself is another post.

So, near 7 am, my right legg finally kicks in with all the charlie horses.. firts the shin, then the thigh, then the calf.. all, of course, connecting to the foot.. *sigh*.. I was not a happy camper.. trying to find a happy medium between a simultaneous shin/calf charlie horse was interesting & painful.. hurt more than my 'broken' foot did..

Got to sleep shortly after 9 am.. woke up about an hour ago..

& for the rest of the week.. I have an appointment with SS tomorrow morning, 9am.. I have my hearing in TO on Thursday, have to be ther by 9am.. and have *2* doc appointments on Friday.. one with my GP in Scarb on Friday & the other with the fracture clinic at 1.. I think I'm gonna postpone my appointment with my GP til next week.. I can't do 2 at once.. hard enough to do it with just the fibro.. can't do it with my foot f**ked up as well..

So needless to day last night was interesting.. now I need food.. substance.. it's been now over 24 hours since I ate something of nutritional value.

But I was impressed.. my shortest ER visit .. 12.30 til..3.30.. not bad.. 3hrs

Tags: christmas, doctors, er, fibromyalgia, fms, food, health, help, holiday, hunger, insomnia, real, rob, sleep, vent

05:49 pm: Learning lessons

So it seems me leaving wasn't such a bad thing... from Rob's journal... Lessons Learned in Life

Tags: move, moving, real, relationships, rob, sadness

01:56 am: Moved

well.. I did it.. I've moved.. I am now somewhat settled into Sarah's.. my bed & my computer, & my TV.. are all in place.. And an air filter.. (thank God, cuz I am allergic to her cats) Tomorrow's job is getting my grooming products organized.. & maybe work on my desk..

I think I need to ask my mom to send some of my linens with Wendy on Friday when she picks me up - we're going to the Science Centre.. or else ask mom to come out on Thursday morning before her Bridge with them & send some of my clothes back with her.. - No, it's Thursday today - I've lost a day somewhere..

*sigh*

This was alot harder than I thought it would be.. Stephen keeps asking why I left his dad.

Tags: allergies, health, home, move, moving, real, rob, stephen

12:06 pm: In Memeory

Laura was born 37 years ago today, Nov 2, 1970.. She died in the line of duty responding to an emergency call, February 28, 2001. She left behind her husband and 1 year old daughter. We all miss her.


Rest in Peace, Laura.


Tags: family, laura, real

05:34 am: insomnia sucks

It's 5.30 & I still can't sleep.. this sucks.. But Rob's asleep..

Went to the hockey game (3-2 Leafs).. got some guy's autograph on the way in for a friend of Rob's friend.. Ran into Walter Gretzky on the way out & got an autograph to Rob & I.. which was really cool.. :)

I've change my icons around a bit.. :)

I'm stressed out over some stuff I said to Rob that was in really bad taste & have upset him even more and other major issues.. so thus - Pain, lots of it.. 2 Tylenol 3's.. and 1 oxycodone then one more a half hour later.. & I am still way too awake.. Prolly to much damn caffeine from that bottomless coke.. *sigh* Pain's finally starting to subside, but I imagine sitting on the pc here isn't helping much, so I am outta here..

More to come, eventually

Edit: 7.02pm

Tags: health, insomnia, kelli, pics, real, rob, sleep

08:58 am: Ugh

Just a side note.. I hate being sick. off to bed with me..

Tags: health, kelli, real

02:01 pm: thanksgiving

Gonna do the gobble gobble thing tonight at Rob's parent's place.. they're picking up at at 3.30.. & me, I'm high on my drugs.. but just enough to lower my pain to a semi-functional level - yay..

And Off fer a 1 hr nap

Tags: family, health, holiday, kelli, real, rob, sleep, thanksgiving

03:04 am: More..

So.. Tomorrow - er.. today.. I have laundry to do & pants to shorten.. Thankfully I got my sewing machine for my birthday, so I don't have to sew these ones by hand.. cuz to be honest, it hurts.. I feel like I have arthritis in my hands when I do that..

Speaking on my sewing machine, I can scratch that off my wish list.. :) For the holiday_wishes community.. Not sure what to put on this year's list.. I admit this year I wont be doing much in the way of wishes, I still have my FMS gift to go out.. God I suck.. Just gift cards likely.. I received no thank you's from least years gifts.. not a one.. I was not impressed & considering the postage cost more than some of the gifts were worth.. not good.. So, unless I get something other than a card from someone this year, I'm not gonna send anything more than cards.

Our Thanksgiving is coming up.. the Canadian one.. it's actually really early this year.. October 8th.. & Rob & I wont be going to my parent's (long story) and his mother's saying she's not going to do it. SO, apparently no gobble gobble for us this year.. which really bites..

Tags: chores, holiday, holiday wishes, real, rob, thanksgiving, wish, wish list

03:01 am: grr..

Insomnia sucks.. I hate not being able to sleep when Rob's not here..

That & this damn chest cold. Oh.. and my IBS not likin' my nachos

Tags: food, ibs, insomnia, kelli, real, rob, sleep